How about nothing. I am watching my third episode of Prison Wives. The common thread amongst all three of the women, was that they lacked an education, self esteem, needed to be valiated by a man.
Ladies come to your senses. Why do you all feel that the only person for you is someone who is locked up? I was once a single mother of two (22 month old and 5 month old). I would not settle for any man, let alone some loser who is locked up in Prison. I had an education, self esteem, and independent.
Okay, you choose to support some guy who is incarcerated. But do you have to marry the guy? I guaranteed you, if it was the reversed they would no marry you. If my husband (who I love with all of my heart) went to prison, I would not put my life on hold. Why because he committed a crime. Criminals have no place in my life.
After being single for four years, I married the love of my life. We have been happily married for 20 years. His is a successful musician and I am a successful software engineer. That what a marriage is. Someone who supports you throughout life. Not one sided where you are the one sacrificing your life, the life of your children.
Wake up Ladies! and live life if not your life your childrens life!
I understand your views on the life that we have chosen. I am 45 and married to the love of my life also. He is incarcerated and has been for almost 20 years. We lived together for a year when we were 21 and 24 years old. I did not agree with the life that he was leading so I told him good bye and went on with my life. I was with a very loving man for 8 years after.
He got in touch with me in 1998 and we began writing back and forth to each other. I have a lot of self esteem and I am a attractive woman. I work a good job. I just feel you don't choose who you fall in love with.
My husband is the younger of us, he has grown up in the system and I do understand that. but for us this works. I live my life I enjoy my family and friends and I go places and do things. I just look at it in a different way.
I have the love of my life but he is just not here in the physical sense. I told my mom one day it is like when these men go off deployed. just because they are not there, their wifes do not stop loving them or wanting them, they are just not there for the time being. This is the way i have to look at it. My husband and I discuss normal stuff and have disagreements just like regular relationships, he is just not here.
I hope that my little bit of a story can help you see that not all of us are with low self asteem. we just fall in love.
Have a great day and a blessed day...
Amen!! This is so true. I have worked in the prison system for male offenders for 16 years. Ladies, WAKE UP. I would say that 95% of these male offenders are players. They not only have you to send them money but a few more. Do not sit and wait for this inmate to get out and for goodness sake, DO NOT MARRY someone incarcerated!! If the love is that strong (and you are the only one), let it wait until they get out of prison. Do you realize how many people, mainly your families, that you are disappointing waiting and wasting your lives and the lives of your children waiting for someone who is a convicted felon. It really will matter later on in your life when you see how much of your life you have wasted. THINK about what you are doing. Every lonely girl loves to her that they are pretty or special, or how about "your the only person that I have ever loved". You love me better than anyone ever has. Sound familiar? Your not the only one... Please get on with your lives, give your children REAL father figures, someone that can take them places like the zoo or camping, someone they can really look up to.
I am majoring in criminal psychology, please ladies, think about what you are doing. You are beautiful person if you chose to help someone out that is in prison, so you can find someone who is not in prison to share your lives with.
DO NOT in ANY WAY compare being a MILITARY wife to being a PRISON wife. THERE IS NO COMPARISON!! I have been a navy wife for going on 2.5 years and have been through my fair share of being a single mother to my son. My husband joined the military to HELP and PROVIDE for us and did not choose to commit a crime to be away from us. I have been watching the Prison Wives episodes pretty much all day and I cannot understand why women would want to waste their lives and the lives of their children for those who care nothing for them. Grow up and move on and again DO NOT mention MY sacrifice as being the same as yours. It's not. Your husbands chose the cowards way out and you're too ignorant to realize it.
You can't help who you love, I am educated, I have a degree in business tech, and I am currently back in college working on a degree in IT ( network specialization) and I am engaged to a man in prison, I have plenty of self esteem, and self confidence. And I really think that's sad that you wouldn't stand by the man you claim to love so much, didn't you promise to love him in sickness and in health. I would never just settle for any one either, I have settled for the best, and I would NEVER trade what I have in him for any one else,I am a good looking woman, and I could have just about any one I wanted, I dated a doctor and a police officer once or twice. It takes a strong woman to stand by a man in prison, and if you can't understand it then you must be weak.
It is very easy to judge any situation that yourself have not been in. My husband and I have grown up've together and have 2 children. I don't regret not one decision I've made. Life is about living and learning, loving, and growing. I am a nurse with a Bachelors Degree , I make 3 figures a year i'm young and have my own home. I DON'T NEED A MAN to validate who I am. I love my husband because he's my world as well as my children. He has one more opportunity with me and I walk. I owe myself, him and our children that much.
I do agree. I wasnt trying to offend the military wifes. I was raised in a Military family. I watched my mother be alone when my dad had to go TDY for long periods of time. I just was trying to make the point that even though my husband is not here, I do not stop loving him or standing by him, for sickness or health. For richer or poorer til death do us part. I remember my vows.
I knew him when he was young and stupid and made his mistakes that caused him to be locked up. I went on with my life. I raised my daughter with a very strong man that gave her the childhood that she needed and deserved. My daughter is grown with her own faimly now. So it is my turn to be happy with my love.
I am not settling by any means. I am educated and NOT ignorant. I know what the world has to offer and there is good and bad in every situation of every relationship.
I am a strong woman and I love the man that I married and the man that he has grown up to be since that young stupid 21 year old.
Yes he chose to not follow the law and now he is paying the price by being locked up. But he is human and only GOD can judge him for his sins not me or anyone else on this earth. WE all make mistakes in this life.
There are two things in this life that I feel that we cannot control. They are the family that you are born into and the people that you fall in love with.
Very well said, Patti! People who have never been in our shoes will not understand. And this life is not for everyone. Some people cannot handle it, but that is their decision. Just as I don't judge them for walking away, I don't expect to be judged for staying.
I take my wedding vows very seriously. My vows also stated in sickness and health. There was nothing said about standing by my man if he committed a criminal act. My husband is the love of my life, however would he be the love of my life if he committed crimes? Probaby not. Would I stand by him if he was sentenced to prison. No! Why because part of loving my husband is loving the fact the he is a man who has morales, character, and is honest.
Yes I would love the man he was before he committed crimes. However after committing crimes, to me he would not be the same person.
Would I stand by my husband if he gained 100 lbs? had cancer? became bald (which he did)? YES! Why because he weight gain, sickness, lost of hair does not change is character. He is still the person I fell in love with.
I think women who love these "men" (and I use the word very loosely) have choosen to ignore and cheat yourselves. You are settling. You believe that you do not deserve a man who has character, who has morales, who is honest. None of you can tell me that these men in prison have any of these traits. Because if they did they would NOT be in prison.
So lets say you fallen in love with the love of your life. You been married 15 years, and you find out that he is a child molester.
Do you leave your man? Or do you stand by him, because you can't choose who you love?
I know I would not stand by him. You can love from afar. And you do choose who to fall in love with. You fall in love with people, based on what you believe you deserve. If you feel you deserve less, then you get less. If you feel you do not deserver a man with high standards, morales and characters, then you get a convict.
It's about what you are willing to accept in a man. You women are willing to except a convict.
Make no mistake, I am not judging you or anyone else here. I am just stating my opinion. You can choose whatever lifestyle you want. If you choose to drive 3 hours round trip to visit a man, who clearly does not love you that is your choice. However, what about your daughters? What about their choice. Perhaps they would like to choose to bring their father to the father daughter tea at school, or have their father watch them play sports. Where is their choice? I honestly doubt if there is any child who would choose to visit their father in prison on a saturday, instead of their father watching them play soccer, piano, etc..
JoAnne, I can't answer for the other two woman besides myself that you have found an interest in....but....... Wow... last time I checked we lived in America were we where free to choose whoever we want to have in our lives with out prejudice. My husband is black and I am white and both of us have a college educations, but I am sure that does not matter to you, your opinion would be on race and not the fact that two educated people found something in common in our interests in life and family....oh well...
In my opinion this forum is set up for woman and men that have a loved one that is incarcerated and that wants to have the support of other people that are in the same situation. this is the reason that I became a member of this site.
If you have a husband at home then I do not understand why you are on this site.... In my opinion.....
You have alot of opinions on what we should be doing in our lives and with whom we should be doing it with but fortunately last time I checked your opinion doesnt matter.
Have a nice evening and please let us enjoy this site.
Wow!! It's getting deep in here. I agree with MrsMacc 100%. And I believe u are wrong JoAnne.
One thing, If we love our man then no matter what....We should be there by their side.
Yea, They committed a crime to be behind bars. And you sit here and people call them all losers. No, They not all losers. Some of them....Maybe! But not all of them are losers.
If I was to leave my man who is currently in prison right now, And was to get with someone who has their freedom then what difference would that be?
1. People make mistakes and people learn by their mistakes. Sometimes it makes them stronger, sometimes it doesn't and they turn around and end up back in there.
2. ALOT of the people in this world today....Yea, they may not be in prison. But I bet you, MOST of them do stuff that would send them to jail. Not everyone is perfect. There are alot of guilty people out of prison right now, but they just haven't gotten caught yet.
You can't tell me that you've never done something wrong in your life.
Most everyone has. So, Don't be sitting up in here acting like you are God, because UR NOT!
God, Doesn't judge anyone. And if you wanna sit here and judge our men because they in prison....Then you go right ahead. BUT....Keep ur snotty little comments to yourself. We don't need to hear ur trash!
Thank you & Have a great day! :)
~ *I'm Holding It Down For My Inmate* ~
~ *Be Who You Are, Not What People Want You To Be* ~
I guess you told her, Huh? Nice wording that Patti.
I wanna add one more thing....JoAnne, I agree with Patti on this.
You wanna sit here and judge everyone elses lives and tell us what we're doing wrong and this that and the other. But why don't you sit for just ONE day and look over your life and see if you have any flaws about YOUR life. I bet....You'd find some. Like I said in another post, NO ONE IS PERFECT!
Not you, Not me, Not any of these other people! Get that in your head.
Like Patti said...If you don't have a man in prison, I agree with her.....What the heck are ya doing here?
This is a place for us women who have men in prison to get support from one another. Not from people who are hating on us. This is beginning to get like highschool bs.
Back off and leave us alone.
INTERACIAL MARRIAGE ROCKS!
~ *I'm Holding It Down For My Inmate* ~
~ *Be Who You Are, Not What People Want You To Be* ~
To all you women out there who will stand by your man for better or worse I applaude you, for your loyalty, your strength, you're outstanding, and it takes a STRONG WOMAN to do so. A prison wife has the dedication to be there through thick and thin. The kind of heart that will endure the test of time, and keep loving the man even when the world says you're wrong for doing so. Loving a convict isn't for the fearful, its for the bold, its for those willing to spend alot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love, and cherish them moments for all they are worth to you and your man, and feel good knowing that you bring a smile to your mans face with every visit, every letter, every phone call when you get to hear his laughter soak it up, kiss each letter you place in the mail box. Keep loving unconditionally, for it shows a gentle nature.
I think everyone got away from the question.....It started about what to wear at a wedding at prison and it turned into a tongue lashing event about women being stupid for wanting to be with a man in prison. To the lady who wants to know what to wear, if anyone answers your question, let me know, cause I want to wear something nice when I get married this year. Please let me know how your wedding goes. My husband to be, who is serving 8 1/2 more years asked me on the phone the other day,"Baby, where you gonna go on our honeymoon"? I started laughing, I told him I would wait for a honeymoon when he comes home to me.
About all the tongue lashing, WOW........We are who we are. We love who we love. It has nothing to do with low self esteem, being under educated or uneducated or any other demeaning thought. It doesn't matter if one woman is beautiful,smart, and rich and the other woman is dumb as a stump,ugly as homemade soap or poor as a church mouse, We love who we love. I wish my man wasn't in prison, but he is. Men in the free world can use a woman just like one in prison could. It's a chance we take, whether he's in prison or not. I know that the divorce rate is very high, between prisoners and free world people, but it's a chance that we take. Nothing is perfect. You have to work at everything in life. It breaks my heart that some women and men think we are STUPID, but ladies, keep loving your man no matter what. Other people don't live your life, YOU DO. One thing I do ask of all the ladies with men in prison......Losers focus on what their going through...Winners focus on what their going to....... In other words, when our men get out of prison, we think about our future with them, we don't focus on "Poor pitiful me, my mans in prison, feel sorry for me". God bless all us.
I apologize that we did get off the subject of the topic question. You can wear whatever you want to wear. You be you and look your best for your man and that is all that counts.
In Texas we are not allowed to get married in a ceremony. We have to get married by proxy. I had a ceremony and a pastor married me and my husband but it was in our home town and my brother in law stood in for my husband. It was a nice ceremony with my daughter and my granddaughter, my best friend and her two daughters and my sister and my nephew. After we went to mi tierra's mexican cantina. Well known in San Antonio. It was a nice day the only thing missing was my man. I took lots of pictures and wore a spring/summer colored dress. We will have a church wedding with more formal setting when he comes home to renew our vowes.
So, dear do what you feel in your heart. It will be just fine. All that counts is that you are marrying the man you love.
Congratulations on your wedding on the 29th...